After the Fast: In Retrospect

So I have finished my fast 10 days ago almost to the hour, and I am not taking some time to reflect on the after math of the fast: what I have learned as well as what I have felt. You can read more about it here.

The fast was easy. It isn’t the hardest thing I’ve ever had to overcome, but in the same breath, I’m trying to think of what the hardest thing I’ve ever done was…. So I guess it was hard, but it was something I could do, so the ten days wasn’t hard then was it? It was challenging I will admit. The part that I found most challenging was finding the strength to continue my daily routines as I was required to be: active and alert. Every movement, by the end of it, was accompanied with a feeling of emptyness of energy and if I got up, it was dizzyness. I had to be careful to not move to fast, or exert to much energy.

What I am still unsure about, and have noticed I have felt from the previous fasts I have done as well, is that I allow myself to look at photos and blogs of food and dreaming about it. Sometimes I feel that looking at them will only strengthen my character by denying myself those nutrients, but also isn’t the the point of doing a fast to mentally block food from my thoughts? This is something I will try and focus on this more in the future fasts (which yes, does mean that I’ll be fasting again, probably not soon though).

My body has recovered fully. My first bite was of an apple. I could immediately feel the strength pouring through my body from the nutrients, or more specifically the sugars! I had initially planned on being without anything solid, or at least no meat, for 48hrs, but after 30hrs, I went out for Thai food (which incidentally was absolutely delicious), thus breaking my dietary plans. I guess I had broken it with the apple not being blended anyways.  I have also had a meal of sushi, so I’m semi quasi accomplishing my diet plans, although I wish I wouldn’t have eaten the delicious meals directly afterward. I think it was hard on my body, a little bit anyways.

As far as my mind goes, I have searched for a lot of answers, but in the end, I know that the answers will come; this is something that fasting has taught me. In time, all things will come; even the most feared or the most anticipated events you can think of. Having to sit there and focus my mind on tasks that weren’t eating food was very easy once I really whole-heartedly put my self into the mind space, but very distracting when I did not. I found that when I did meditate, it was much more focused, and I was able to find calmness and clarity much easier than any other time I meditate. It feels almost like seeking answers from within (which I have been trying for a long time ever since reading Siddhartha), in a more effective effort. I sit here now and realize I haven’t tried to meditate since, which dismays me also.

As I am now, I am satisfied, but dissapointed with myself for not following through with my dietary goals. It was very hard to not control my eating after the fast, for I craved everything. Still now I crave delicious foods, which maybe has made me more of a snob and appreciating the finer foods (or at least good quality foods) that take time to prepare?

I have found a new level of peace though, a new understanding of life and love, and what is dear to me.. in a way. What are things that are fictitious in my mind, and what are things that are important to me? If I haven’t specifically learn’t all of these things directly as a result of the fast, they have at least been illuminated because of it, which I am eternally thankful for the opportunity to learn such things.

Often I think about what is in my mind necessary to live my life the best I can, and I really believe that it’s more to do with living, understanding, and knowing than second guessing and hesitating. Almost one may think of it as a peaceful dance with the leaves of time.

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