Greater Toronto Area Child Porn Probe

I have been made aware of the recent child porn probe in the Greater Toronto Area, and to say the least, its disgusting. The rage that builds up inside of me when I hear this stuff is unquestionably filled with disgust and offense.

Searching for more information on what has happened, I came across this incredibly emotional blog the owner so graciously let me use. Hopefully it will make more people aware of what some of the life long struggles victims must go through, or at least make us aware that some things in life that we hear about, or see on the news and say: “Oh thats so sad,” and then when we are faced in real life with such situations, we choose to shrug off the situation with some sort of hypocritical justification that its ‘ok’ to continue on your way without demanding change.

So, take charge to change situations where there is a victim, this world needs your action.

Without further delay:


7 men of the Greater Toronto Area were arrested in an international child porn probe. 25 Canadians.  57 men total. 45 child victims were identified. 25 children were rescued.  12 of those children are Canadian.

I’m going to do some naming and shaming.

Richard Dyde, 47 – YORK UNIVERSITY FELLOW!! not only did this pedophile possess child porn and make it available, he has additionally been charged with making child pornography.


Jonah Whitehouse, 31

Erin Holder, aka Erin Wilson, 26

Michael Pellow, 68 – Toronto real estate agent, charged with making child pornography

Christopher Holowatyj, 20

Trevor Partridge, 44 – posed as a 17 year old online and convinced girls to perform sexual acts over the internet for him to record

Kevin Sheppard, 41

Outside of the GTA, Randy Miller, 40, of Napanee, a PROFESSIONAL CLOWN, VOLUNTEER SCOUT LEADER. He’s been charged with sexual assault, 2 counts of making and possessing child pornography.


Reverend Robin Barrett, 51 (first charged, already sentenced to 2.5 years.  That’s all?)

According to the Toronto Star, some men have already been convicted and sentenced to jail terms ranging from 30 months to 25 years.

I began my life as a child porn star at age 8.  Now I can tell you that I’ve suffered immeasurably for the 25 years I’ve lived since then.  If justice were fair, perpetrators should be punished for AT LEAST as long as the consequences of their actions torment their victims.  Bare minimum.  And those who perpetuate victimhood by sharing these pictures?  Keep them locked up until the victim decides they no longer feel any shame about their abuse and humiliation being used to gratify their evil desires.  I can guarantee you not one victim has recovered after 30 months.

Maybe you have read a bit about my struggle with mental illness lately.  I have Post Traumatic Stress, and according to some therapists, I have borderline personality disorder.  I have extreme difficulty with interpersonal relationships, whether they be intimate, professional, familial, among friends, and with the general public.  I have fears and anxieties that paralyze me, and keep me a prisoner in my home.  I’m terrified to go out in public in case I overreact to something and respond “inappropriately”.  I haven’t kept a romantic relationship for more than 3 months because my issues exhaust even the best-intended.

My spirit was shattered then, and I haven’t been able to put it back together.  Would I be like this if it hadn’t been for my perverted teacher back in grade 3?  I don’t know.  I don’t know anybody like me.  I read about people like me in psych books, but I don’t know anybody who can relate to how I feel.  People undermine my being and my feelings, blaming everything first on the abuse, then second on my mental illness.  ”You’re depressed because of what happened to you as a kid”  ”You’re gay because you were raped” “You’re overreacting because of your mental illness…”  ”All our problems are because you’re crazy”.  I haven’t yet been respected for having real, authentic feelings stemming from me being human, I’m always reduced to a mentally ill victim-turning-villain.

Because yes.  I’m turning into a villain.  I’m not a kid any more.  It’s hard to keep having sympathy for someone who was damaged so long ago.  I’m not that frail little blonde, blue-eyed girl with gynecological damage, or the tortured teenager that youth workers wanted to save.  Now I’m a middle aged cat woman who can’t keep a job, a lover, a friend.  I kill happy vibes.  I’m the one who you avoid eye contact with, because I’m the ugly woman on the bus crying.  I make you uncomfortable.  I’m sucking up your tax dollars with my welfare checks, my disability insurance, my repeated hospitalizations.

I’m sure I’ll be told my anger at this recent batch of perverts is inappropriate.  That we are innocent until proven guilty, and that we all deserve a chance at rehabilitation.  That these people are sick, and should be pitied and helped.  Well, I’m used to having inappropriate anger.  These men should be murdered.  By the state.  They will not get better.  Look at David Caza.  Call it “mercy killing”, euthanasia, capital punishment, eye for an eye, extermination or whatever you want.  But Do. Not. Let. These. Monsters. Out. Ever.