So today is day 5, the hump day if you will, of my 10 day fast, and today I’m feeling rather weak. I think its because the busy weekend I’ve had, but clearly its also from the lack of food I’ve not ingested.
The weirdest thing about a fast is the things you start to fantasize about. For instance, today I was smelling bread in my car as I drove around town doing my things, and started dreaming about the black olive fresh artisan loaf from the bakery just up the road. I usually can consume the entire thing without any hesitation. Yuhm. I’m also craving banana bread, it doesn’t help when my two friends BC Berrie and Erin Ireland keep flaunting their marvelous talents in the kitchen in my face. Oh so cruel!
But all that aside, all the joking about really craving food, it’s more just the thought of those delicious things that is what gets me. It’s not necessarily a hunger craving that is really gnawing at my belly, it’s the knowing how delicious those things really are. I have a fridge thats full of food, most of it is vegetables that I’m pretty certain are going to go bad on me, which makes me sad 🙁 . I have friends that are starving because they don’t have enough budget to pay for food. Somethings gotta give.
As far as my mental state of mind goes, its fairly intact today. Yesterday I had a little bit of a breakdown, wondering what I’m doing, why I’m doing it, and if I’m even doing it about the wrong things. You know sometimes when you get the feeling like your actions are pushing really great people in your life away from you, but it’s just you being you? We’ll that feeling overwhelms me sometimes, which I think is why I have crafted my character to be somewhat more…. eloquent if I may. If things get too sloppy, people start to really turn their head in disgust; I would rather be open to all corners of the world than to immediately have doors shut down in front of me, its just something I’ve come to accept and understand.
My focus is really becoming hard, but the fast is also, in that same regard, illuminating the things in my life that I should focus myself on. A lot of the trifles in life seem to wash away when there is no desire for them. It’s almost like a washing of the drama away, you know? It’s like at the end of a day on the hill, you’ve spent all day carving and turning, looking for jumps and giving it your all, and then you are sitting at the table, taking off your ski gear and totally exhausted and you only have certain things on your mind. Most all else has gone away, no more bullshit if you will. I like that feeling. But at the same time, it’s hard not to feel like all that will eventually bite you in the arse. In a way, I guess, it’s kind of like loosing that eloquent’ness for a brief spell. hmm. Now I have more to think about!
Please, send me words of encouragement! Yesterday I almost broke my fast! Today was hard too! I went by a few pubs that looked deliciously my style
Read more on day 8 here!